5.00 o'clock.

that was the time i woke up today. But somehow i woke up without notice, as in i just felt like waking up, oblivious for what's going to happen. My alarm was set to wake me up at 6, but guess it didn't have to today.

5.00 o'clock.

that was the time my grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep. She was at the time resting soundly at suri seri begawan. She was admitted a few days ago for a medical complication.

Hearing a knock this loud and this early never seem to be the case here in my household, but today wasn't any usual day.

As we rushed to the hospital all the way from lumut, the road was clear and it seemed that the journey was shorter than usual. I saw trees passing by our car differently today as we went down the anduki road. It was as if we we're going slower than we were but the speedo didn't agree. Perhaps it's the time of the day, or night for that matter, or could it be anxiety of guessing what's gonna happen next.

The ward was quiet, and we all knew it was too early for any commotion to happen. As we all headed there, the thought of witnessing a lifeless body came too real. As i laid my eyes, i saw here, with a face oblivious to her current state, as if she was sleeping snuggly. It wasn't like 'snap!' to grasp the idea that she was leaving us.

The journey home was, in a way magnificient. Why? it's not because i was there in the car with her, but it was time we went home. It was around 6-ish, and the sun had just risen in front of us. It casted a soft light to the van, and everyone inside. It truly drowned out any grief that i had for a while. The sun seemed to put a mellow, but joyous show of light just for us.

As she and the whole family reached home, we were greeted by fellow uncles and helpful family friends, lending a helping hand in this time of grief.

As the normal procedure of proper preparation for burial, the mass number of family members, a large portion coming from areas around kg. Batu, Kg Sg. Besar, Kiulap and Rimba, i realised just how much of the family still care among each other, and are ready to do anything through the ups and downs. Some of those from bandar even came as early as an hour after we messaged them the terrible news.

After all is done in the house, we headed off the cemetary in anduki, and again, the ride wasn't usual, in a sense it wasn't an everuday thing. Sitting among my cose cousins, uncles and the wiser ones included, it was more of a realisation experience rather than a sad one. There was no use griefing too much, because they was nothing we could do to change it, just adapt to it.

Whilst waiting for the burial chamber to be finished being dug up, i saw a small kid and his parents visiting one of the tombstones. The kid was small, so he probably didn't know well who they're visiting, but at least he had the will to come anyway.

As the crowd of close family members gathered around, a pack of butterflies came fluttering around, landing on the shoulders, arms and backs of those present. Never has a butterfly seemed comforting, but during that time, it certainly was. It was more like a sign that even in a griefing and heart-breaking moment, the people there shouldn't keep their positive sides away whatsoever. At least that's how i deciphered it.

Leaving the cemetary, a sense of relief came up. Not because it's all done now, but because of the thought that she could now lie in peace, without mental and physical torture brought upon by being in her age. To me, that was what the butterflies earlier wanted to show, which was to find a positive perspective even in such a sad situation.

a lil bit about her:

She was borned in 1930 accoring to documents, but we all knew she was older than that. why? because her younger sister is registred to be much older than her.

The story was that during the japanese occupation of brunei in WW2, some of the records were destroyed, and thus they had to guess her age when they had to re-register again after the occupation was over. They put her birth-year [ no dates were given] as 1930, making her at least 78 years old by now.

She had lived with me, in the same household all my life, from the time i was still running up to my maid asking for bottle milk till now.

To be honest with you, she didn't have any serious health issues these last few months, just the healt deterioration of normal elderly people. Recently, she was admitted due to a worrying change in diet, action and also breathing. She was looking like on the straight road to recovery when i saw her last time, with her vital signs looking fine.

It was nice that she didn't suffer when passing away, and i thank god for that, as if it wasn't, surely she would have left in an uncomforting way.

There isn't much cause to grief right now, 2 o'clock in the afternoon. All i can do is smile for the memories i had with her and also for the good things in life that i'm blessed with.